The Burning Man
by Addicted2Emmett
Summary: Bella's Breaking Dawn pregnancy, seen through Edward's eyes.
1. Chapter 1

The Burning Man

I sat at Bella's feet, focusing all my energy on keeping up the façade. I grinned weakly at her jokes, and responded if I was directly spoken to, but I used all the remaining space in my head – and there was a lot of it, but still not enough – to try and repress the fire destroying my soul.

For the millionth time today, I wished I could sleep, and escape the thoughts of the _thing_. It was killing her, I knew that. Breaking her apart form the inside out. Bella's once pale, flat, stomach had been stained black by bruises, and was so round it looked like she had shoved a yoga ball underneath her shirt. Her once shapely, gorgeous body had turned disproportionate and hollowed, all the excess fat, muscle, and tissue had been sucked to her belly to feed the constantly growing bulge. And her face. The most beautiful thing in my world – innocent, flawless, and kind – had turned pale and waxy; with pronounced purple shadows under her eyes, and hollow cheeks. Of course she was still dazzling – she always had been – but you could see her pain, as much as she tried to hide it, and this marred the once-perfect image.

The atmosphere weighed on the house. Even someone without my… abilities… could see that at a glance. Carlisle looked weary and tired, and it caused him terrible pain to work on Bella now; he felt no joy for the work he once loved. This new species that was so closely related to vampires would have once held great interest for him; it terrified him now. Esme no longer sketched, and the house felt oppressively quiet without her tuneless humming. She cleaned obsessively, compulsively straightening every pillow, picture, and vase.

Alice was nowhere to be seen. I felt her deep remorse – it was an undercurrent of every thought – for not being the best friend she should be to Bella during this time; but it gave her an enormous headache to even try to be near her. She couldn't see the fetus, and its future was so intertwined with Bella's that she was blurry; flickering. So she _hung out in the attic, like a vampire bat in the belfry_, as she put it. Jasper was there too. I missed his company more than I was willing to let anyone know; he knew something of what it was like to know the thoughts and feelings of everyone around – our talents were very similar. This situation was almost as hard for him as it was for me, even though he and Bella did not have a very strong bond. So he stayed with Alice, out of the thicket of emotions. Trying to comfort her, and yet letting her help him.

Rosalie. At times I wanted to rip her head off. I knew that Bella's life meant little to her, she saw her as selfish and short-sighted. But Bella's life was tied with the baby's, so Rose was doing everything she could for her. Bella, the baby, Rosalie. All hopelessly and inseparably intertwined now; due to Bella's first reckless, misguided impulse to call Rose; and Rosalie's twisted, selfish choice to protect that thing growing in Bella. What did Rose care if Bella died? It might even please her; she would be the obvious choice for the baby's new mother. Bella's choice redeemed her slightly in Rosalie's eyes though; fighting for the baby was what Rose would have done, had the circumstances been reversed. I could tell Emmett knew Rose's feelings; he knew her inside and out. It hurt him to see her view of the situation. Unlike Rosalie, it would hurt him tremendously if Bella died. As much as he teased her, their bond was deep, and she reminded him so much of the little sister he had lost when he had changed. He clung to the spark of optimism that he felt, deep in his unbeating heart. This little piece of hope was what Emmett had always relied on to pull him and those around him through tough times. He hadn't been able to call it back while burning his way to being a vampire, and it had terrified him. Emmett was a firm believer in the power of laughter. He knew jokes of any kind, or crazy antics, or seeing the good in a situation, was better than any medicine. But as he clung to the sunshine inside him, his grip wasn't quite tight enough to be happy, only to keep him from sliding into depression. So he stood, still, silent, and stone-faced, waiting it out.

Hearing their thoughts was truly more than I could bear.

And they all had nothing on me.

I could feel I was about to lose it. I frantically grabbed the stake of the fire that was already burning me – if I let go, if I had nothing to cling to, the fire would fully consume me, and it would show. Bella would see the fire, and know how much I was suffering. And that was the point of the burning. If not for the sake of keeping Bella happy, I would have gone to the Quileute werewolves long ago and begged them to kill me, to put out the-

Shock. Pain. Confusion. Relief. Emotions coursed through my dry veins, like a shot of adrenaline. Jacob was here. In an instant, I could hear all his thoughts and plans to kill my family. Jacob had assumed, after hearing that Bella was sick with a rare South American disease, that she was indeed a vampire. If only. Jacob planned to take as many of my siblings down as he could, although he clearly did not want to fight girls, _even_ _vampire girls_. He assumed, knowing my "over-inflated ego", that I would want to fight him alone. He had no idea.

My family's heads snapped up, nearly in unison. They could hear, smell, and see Jacob, once they paid attention. Only Bella remained oblivious. Carlisle stood to answer the door.

"This really isn't a good time Jacob, could we do this later?"

_He was asking to postpone the death match?_

I felt the stirrings of something I hadn't felt in weeks. Hope. Not hope for Bella, not hope for the fetus, not hope that Bella would not be killed. I knew she would.

"Hope" might not even be the right term for it. It was more the realization that, when the thing killed my wife, I would have an out. So Jacob wanted to kill me? I would beg him to do it.

I heard Jacob's gasp, and knew immediately what had caused it.

_I caught her scent. Her warm, clean, human, scent._

_She was still the Bella I loved, her skin a soft, pale, peach; her eyes still the same chocolate brown._

His relief would not last long…

_Then I really saw her. There were deep, dark, circles under her eyes that jumped out of her haggard face. Her skin seemed tight – like her cheekbones might break right through it. A few strands of hair had escaped her messy knot, and clung to her pale forehead, which was covered in a slight sheen of sweat. She looked so fragile it was scary._

_She was sick. Very sick._

Jacob realized that the story Charlie had received was indeed the truth. I fought the urge to cover my eyes with my hand, to jam my fingers in my ears, and to run as far away as I could as he processed the situation. He knew something was off.

_This was wrong. Bella was _afraid_ of Rosalie! And Blondie wasn't that fond of Bella either. So why would she be crouched so protectively in front of her? But now Bella was looking at her, like, apologetically or something. Then the blonde snatched up a basin just in time for Bella to throw up noisily into it._

I fell to my knees, tortured. This was so profoundly wrong! I couldn't watch this; Bella's pain was more than I could bear. I moaned quietly. I couldn't help myself, it escaped me. I let myself cheat – My head slumped against her leg. I wanted to die. She put her hand against my cheek – comforting me. That just made it worse.

I lost the dialogue that ensued then between Bella and Jacob – I was so consumed in self-loathing. This was my fault entirely. Why had I not thought of the possibilities? Women's bodies had to change to bear children, to even prepare to carry them. But men's body's needed no such thing. The reproductive organs did not change from puberty until death. There were no monthly cycles, no time when they expired. Why should that change when we transformed from human to immortal? Perhaps it would have been better if I _had _killed her that first night; then at least Jacob and his pack would have had a good excuse to kill me. It would be better for her, too. She was dying now, but this way was so much slower, so much more painful. So much harder on both of us. Because when it killed her, it would kill me too. We were too intertwined for just one of us to die; just halves of the whole.

I was still lost as to what was going on, until I felt Bella shift her weight on the couch in preparation to rise.

_Oh no, oh no, tell me that's not what I think…_

Yes, Jacob, it is exactly what you think it is.

"No," Jacob whispered. Trying to protect his own eyes from what he subconsciously knew was coming. "Don't get up…" _She looked so weak, I didn't know if she could stand it._

"I'm answering your question," she snapped at him. Those words gave me a little bit of hope – Bella was in the habit of making weak jokes, downplaying everything, and generally trying to pretend that she was her old self, and everything was fine. If only she knew how much_ worse _that made it… But these words sounded more natural, easy coming and not so faked. It was the way she usually talked to Jacob, back when it was all okay. Before it happened… and that was about where the hope I had been feeling disappeared.

The wave of emotion that washed through me was a weak echo of feeling I had when I heard, but it was still enough to bring me to my knees. First confusion. Then realization. Disbelief. Calculation. _Fear. _Disgust. All these were basically wordless emotion. But when the words _did _come, they just hurt that much worse.

_I didn't want to see this, didn't want to think about this. I didn't want to imagine him inside her. I didn't want to know that something I hated so much had taken root in the body I loved._

_I could only guess why she looked like this – so pregnant, so sick – because whatever was inside her was taking her life to feed its own… because it was a monster. Just like its father._

_ I always knew he would kill her._

My head snapped up as I heard the words inside his. In one second we were both on our knees, the pain of the situation dragging us both down. I pulled it together enough to stand, towering over him. Any other day I would have wanted to hurt him, no, to _kill _him for even thinking that. _As if I didn't already know, _I thought bitterly. Yes, any other day there would have been a fight. Not now. The only rage I felt was at myself for knowing all along that Jacob was right, and not doing anything to stop it. Sure, I had tried. I had tried to leave her, but I was too weak to stay away. I had tried to refuse promising to change her, but I was too selfish to leave her human. And I had tried to get the abomination out of her, but she loved the thing, and I couldn't bring myself to go against her will, even when what she wanted would kill us both. I had tried, but not hard enough.

"Outside, Jacob." My eyes were flat black, I could see it in his thoughts.

He stood too, taller than me. "Let's do this," he agreed. He thought I wanted to fight. If only I could – my love for Bella, and my hatred for her pain, prevented that.

"No!" Bella gasped. She stumbled forward – her center gravity was off. Her fingers, too cold for a human, clutched my arm with all the strength she had left in her drained body. Rosalie moved with her, like they were invisibly linked. I didn't need Jasper's thoughts to show me her wild and unconcealed panic.

I couldn't let her think that, for both of our sakes. "I just need to talk to him, Bella," I promised in a low voice. I stroked her face gently, with eyes only for her.

_That made me see fire. After all he'd done to her, he was still allowed to touch her that way._

I forced myself to not let my anger/self-loathing show through my compassionate mask. "don't strain yourself," I pleaded. "Please rest. We'll both be back in a few minutes."

She examined my face, looking for a false note in my promises, and then was satisfied enough to allow Rosalie to lower her back down to the couch.

She turned her eyes on Jacob. Her gaze held his, and I could tell that was what she was going for. "Behave," she insisted, her lifeless voice straining with the effort of sounding fierce. "And then come back." Jacob didn't answer. _I wasn't making any promises today._

Oh, yes he was. If he thought I would kill him or let him escape, he was sadly mistaken. He would come back, if only for Bella's sake.

I strode out the door and into the woods behind my house, never turning back to see if he was following. If he was planning to attack me, I would be forewarned without use of my eyes.

Without slowing, or turning to face him, I prepared to address him. This was going to be difficult. "I'm not ready for you to kill me yet, Jacob Black." I whispered. _Not yet. _Despair nearly overwhelmed me as I realized the truth of those two small words. Not yet, but it was only a matter of time. "You'll have to have a little patience." I knew this was the way to provide myself with an out when my world ceased to turn.

He growled. _Like I cared about his schedule. _"Patience isn't my specialty," he snarled.

I continued pacing, monitoring Jacob's self-control level. It wasn't high. He stalked after me, angry but cautious. I finally pulled it together and wheeled to face him.

_For a second I was just a kid – a kid who had lived all of his life in the same tiny town. Just a child. Because I knew I would have to live a lot more, suffer a lot more, to ever understand the searing agony in Edward's eyes._

And then it invaded my head. Cutting off every other thought, every other instinct. It was one thing to know that Bella would die. It was quite another to see it for myself. Alice's vision plunged me into total blackness, just me and the constant, horrifying pain. Bella, her horribly distorted body lying crumpled on the floor, still, white, and broken. I couldn't think, couldn't breathe. And then hatred for the creature was there, so strong it momentarily distracted me from the pain. It was what I grasped to begin pulling myself out of the hole. I raised a hand to my forehead, and raked my fingers across my granite forehead as if I was trying to rip the skin off. My mouth was opened in a silent scream, but I couldn't find words, vowels, or pitches to explain the agony tearing through me. I couldn't force the air out, so I stayed silent.

_This was the face a man would have if he were burning at the stake. _

These words, repeated so often in my family's thoughts, were enough to give me the strength I needed to drag myself those last few crucial feet. I obviously was not keeping up my act, everyone but Bella had assuredly seen through me. And probably her too, although I couldn't know it.

I felt his realization, the final piece of knowledge that gave it a place in reality.

"It's killing her, right? She's dying." _And I knew when I said it that my face was a watered-down echo of his. Weaker, different, because I was still in shock. I hadn't wrapped my head around it yet – it was happening too fast. He'd had time to get to this point. And it was different because I'd already lost her so many times, so many ways, in my head. And different because she was never really mine to lose._

_And different because it wasn't my fault._

This fact hit home with crushing force, force so undeniable that I crumpled to my knees in the dirt. I couldn't fight it, I couldn't win. He was right. "My fault…my fault." Saying it did little to relive the pressure of the knowledge, but I kept repeating it anyway, confessing to the dirt.

"Yes." I groaned, my voice so much calmer than the turmoil I felt inside. "Yes, it's killing her." I couldn't explain the agony, so I stopped fighting it and gave in to the pain.

_His broken helplessness irritated me. I wanted a fight, not an execution. Where was his smug superiority now? _Didn't he understand that we couldn't fight for Bella's sake? Didn't he know that it would kill her?

"So why hasn't Carlisle done anything?" he growled. "He's a doctor, right? Get it out of her."

I hated having to explain this again, it was exasperating as well as excruciatingly painful. It was so _Bella_, protecting the ones she loved at any expense of her own. "She won't let us." Of course.

_Jeez, she was running true to form. Of course, die for the monster spawn. It was so _Bella.

Of course he understood so much quicker than I did. He knew that she loved the thing inside her, so much that she was willing to die for it. I had assumed she was afraid that she wouldn't make it through the removal process, or that it would be anguish for her. But no, it was all for the baby, she had no fear for herself.

"You know her well," I whispered, more to myself than him. "How quickly you see… I didn't see. Not in time. She wouldn't talk to me on the way home, not really. I thought she was frightened – that would be natural. I thought she was angry at me for putting her through this, for endangering her life. Again. I never imagined what she was really thinking, what she was _resolving._ Not until my family met us at the airport and she ran right into Rosalie's arms. Rosalie's! And then I heard what Rosalie was thinking. I didn't understand until I heard that. Yet you understand after one second…" I sighed. I groaned. I fought back tears that would never come.

"Just back up a second. She won't _let_ you?" of course I knew what he was about to suggest, but that wasn't an option. "Did you ever notice that she's exactly as strong as a normal hundred-and-ten-pond human girl? How stupid are you vamps? Hold her down and knock her out with drugs." _Obviously._

"I wanted to," I murmured, confessing a horrible thing. "Carlisle would have…"

_What, too noble were they?_

"No," I answered his rhetorical question. "Not noble. Her bodyguard complicated things."

Understanding flowed through Jacob. _So that's what Blondie was up to. What was in it for her, though? Did the beauty queen want Bella to die so bad?_

"Maybe. Rosalie doesn't look at it quite that way." It's not that she wanted Bella to die, it's that she wanted the baby to live. And since their lives were inseparably tied right now, it was essential that Bella survived to bring the baby into the world. After giving birth, Bella could live or die, Rosalie didn't care much either way.

"So take the blonde out first. Your kind can be put back together, right? Turn her into a jigsaw and take care of Bella." _Obviously._

Jacob's "duh!" attitude was starting to irk me. Did he really think that we hadn't considered all of his alternatives, along with millions more? "Esme and Emmett are backing her up. Emmett would never let us… and Carlisle won't help me with Esme against it…" My voice disappeared, contemplating the stupidity of people when their mate was involved. I was willing to against Bella's greatest desire for the greater good, for what would help her in the future. For the rest of my family, however, things were different. Once their spouse even hinted that they didn't approve, that vampire was out, and fiercely opposing a choice that had nothing to do with them. Idiots.

"You should have left Bella with me." Hadn't I tried? I had even encouraged it, knowing that it was better for her all along. But it was her choice, and she had made the wrong one.

I kept it simple. "Yes."

_It was a bit late for that, though._ _Maybe he should have thought about all this _before _he knocked her up with the life-sucking monster._

I gripped the stake again, trying not to let it show how hot the fire was burning now. "We didn't know." I was barely able to force out enough air to form the words. "There's never been anything like Bella and I before. How could we know that a human was able to conceive a child with one of us –"

"When the human should get ripped to shreds in the process?" The repetitive, depressing thought entered my head again. It would have been better if I _had_ killed her then. She _should_ have been ripped to shreds. This death was so much worse, excruciatingly long and painful for everyone. It would have been so much easier if I had been able to go to the Volturi immediately. Now I had to suffer with a brave face, next to Bella. But it was comforting to know that when she died, I would have the quickest out possible; I had no doubt that Jacob would stick around, waiting for his chance to kill me.

"Yes." I whispered. I might as well give the boy some background on the subject. "They're out there, the sadistic ones, the incubus, the succubus. But the seduction is merely a prelude to the feast. No one _survives_." I shook my head, revolted. This was one reason that I had had problems even thinking about being with Tanya. For her, love and lust did not necessarily mean the same thing. And I knew that she was attracted to my personality, but my body more than my mind. She needed someone that she wouldn't break. Disgusting.

_Like he was any different. _"I didn't realize that they had a special name for what you are." He spat.

That wasn't me, I loved Bella. Loved her for just being her. And yet, I was so much worse. "Even you, Jacob Black, cannot hate me as much as I hate myself."

_Wrong. _Wrong, was I? I knew exactly how much he hated me, and it had nothing on what I felt towards myself. "Killing me doesn't save her," I stated quietly. I wanted to beg him to do it, to release me from this agony, but I knew that it would destroy her.

"So what does?" I could feel his panicky desperation, the drive to find a cure.

I knew this might not work, but I would try. "Jacob, you have to do something for me."

"The _hell _I do, parasite!"

He thought I was asking for myself. Ha. The only thing I wanted for myself was death. He didn't understand I was asking for Bella. "For her?"

Jacob was feeling a weird mixture of despair and anger, teeth clenched, blood pounding. "I did everything I could to deep her away from you. Every single thing. It's too late." His mental agony merely echoed mine; it wasn't enough to make a conceivable difference to the pain I was already immersed in.

"You know her, Jacob. You connect to her on a level that I don't even understand." _The human level,_ I thought bitterly. I continued. "You are a part of her, and she is a part of you. She won't listen to me, because she thinks I'm underestimating her. She thinks she's strong enough for this…" I choked on that odd feeling, the feeling of dry, prickling, eyes and a closed off throat. I didn't need to feel those things to know that I should be crying. "She might listen to you." I concluded.

"Why should she?"

Because she had to! She had to… I could feel that I was losing my grip on the stake, that the fire was becoming visible all too quickly. I lurched to my feet.

_I wondered if he was really going crazy. Could vampires lose their minds? _"Maybe," I answered, not even sure if he had spoken out loud or not. "I don't know. It feels like it." I shook my head. "I have to try and hide this in front of her, because stress makes her more ill. She can't keep anything down as it is. I have to be composed; I can't make it harder. But that doesn't matter now. She has to listen to you!"

I felt his shock at me showing emotion to him. "I can't tell her anything you haven't. What do you want me to do? Tell her she's stupid? She probably already knows that. Tell her she's going to die? I bet she knows that too."

_Tell her she's going to die… she's going to die… _and even though I already knew it, hearing it killed me every time. _You have to say it, you have to say it, _I told myself. "You can give her what she wants."

_He wasn't making any sense. Part of the crazy? _

"I don't care about anything but keeping her alive." I focused. That was true. I could do this for her, and I could do it calmly and civilly. "If it's a child she wants, she can have it. She can have half a dozen babies. Anything she wants." I paused to let the truth of my words sink in. "She can have puppies, if that's what it takes." I knew my control was slipping, and that Jacob could see through the cultivated mask to the frenzied pain below. His glare melted into shock, and his mouth popped open in a larger, round "o".

She could have them. She could have her babies. I could do that for her. "But not this way!" the words were out loud, I hadn't meant for that to happen. "Not this _thing_ that's sucking the life from her while I stand there helpless! Watching her sicken and waste away. Seeing it _hurting_ her."

Hurting Her. More pain stabbed me in the gut, causing a physical reaction. I sucked in more air. "You _have _to make her see season, Jacob. She won't listen to me anymore. Rosalie's always there, feeding her insanity – encouraging her. Protecting her. Not, protecting _it_. Bella's life means nothing to her."

Jacob choked on the idea as if it was lodged in his throat. _What was he saying? That Bella should what? Have a baby? With _me_? What? How? Was he giving her up? Or did he think she wouldn't mind being shared? _

"Whichever," I replied truthfully. "Whatever keeps her alive." And that I was truly all I wanted – besides death.

"That's the craziest thing you've said yet," He said, still trying to come to grips with the idea that I was serious.

"She loves you." Agony. She loved him, truly she did.

"Not enough."

"She's ready to die to have a child. Maybe she'd accept something less extreme." I knew she wouldn't, but how I wished. I had to try…

"Don't you know her at all?" I had thought so.

"I know, I know. It's going to take a lot of convincing." As much as I had in me and more. "That's why I need you. You know how she thinks. Make her see sense."

_I couldn't think about what he was suggesting. It was too much. Impossible. Wrong. Sick. Borrowing Bella for the weekends and then returning her Monday morning like a rental movie? So messed up._

_So tempting._

I tried not to focus on the visuals of Jacob's head. I had to let him do this without ripping his head off.

_This new image was worse. I knew I wouldn't have suffered over it for _years_ if he hadn't shoved it into my head now. But it stuck there, like a poisonous, unkillable weed, winding it's threads and roots through my mind. It was Bella, healthy and glowing, so different than now, but something the same: Her body, not distorted, changed in a more natural way. Round with _my _child._

He tried ignoring the weed because he knew he wouldn't be able to rip it out. "Make _Bella_ see sense? What universe do you live in?"

"At least try." Please, please, try.

He shook his head immediately, but I ignored it because I could hear the conflict in his thoughts.

"Where is this psycho crap coming from? Are you making this up as you go?" like I had done anything _but _plot this scenario, or ones similar to it.

"I've been thinking of nothing but ways to save her since I realized what she was planning to do. What she would die to do. But I didn't know how to contact you. I knew you wouldn't listen if I called. I would have come to find you soon, if you hadn't come today. But it's hard to leave her, even for a few minutes. Her condition…it changes so fast. The thing is…" I faltered. "growing. Swiftly. I can't be away from her now."

I felt his confusion. "What _is_ it?"

"None of us have any idea. But it's stronger than she is. Already." He saw it then, the monster inside her. He saw it break her from the inside out. "Help me stop it," I whispered. "Help me stop this from happening."

"_How?_" By offering my stud services?" I didn't flinch when he said that, I had heard worse wording. I didn't flinch, but he did. "You're really sick. She'll never listen to this."

"Try. There's nothing to lose now. How will it hurt?"

_It would hurt me. Hadn't I taken enough rejection from Bella without this? _

"A little pain to save her? Is it such a high cost?"

"But it won't work." He was scrambling for a way out, but his resolve was slipping – I knew he was going to talk to her.

"Maybe not. Maybe it will confuse her, though. Maybe she'll falter in her resolve. One moment of doubt is all I need."

"And then you pull the rug out from under the offer? 'Just kidding, Bella'?"

"If she wants a child, that's what she gets. I won't rescind."

_I couldn't believe I was even thinking about this. Bella would punch me – not that I cared about that, but it would probably break her hand again. I shouldn't let him talk to me, mess with my head. I should just kill him now._

I couldn't let him do that yet. "Not now," I whispered, mumbling to the dirt again. "Not yet. Right or wrong, it would destroy her, and you know it. No need to be hasty. If she won't listen to you, you'll get your chance. The moment Bella's heart stops beating, I will be begging you to kill me."

I felt his vehemence in the promise "You won't have to beg long."

The corner of my mouth felt like it almost twitched. I was just so _Jacob_. "I'm very much counting on that."

"Then we have a deal."

I was so relieved that he would do this for me. No, for _her. _I nodded and held out my hand.

I felt his pushed-back disgust as he gripped my outstretched hand and shook it once before releasing.

The sudden barrage of my family member's reactions as they heard Jacob's acceptance resulted in an ever-increasing din inside my head. Shock, relief, disgust, smugness – that was Rosalie, she knew Bella would never agree – and utter confusion. But I didn't care. I nodded in agreement.

"We have a deal."


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Notes

You guys all owe cookies and "thank you" PMs to setfiregirl, who convinced me that I was being selfish if I didn't update; Lion says Rawr, who gives me "intelligent" reviews that are always long and worth reading; and Andrea Newell, who faithfully reviews both my stories. Thanks to everybody else who reviewed as well – it really is the best part of my day!

Once again, cookies for setfiregirl, Lion says Rawr, and Andrea Newell, especially setfiregirl! They all asked me to continue, but setfiregirl gave me the idea to do the chapter where Edward starts to hear Renesmee's thoughts. I really wasn't up for translating the whole upcoming Jacob/Bella conversation (cough "lazy" cough), but this idea sounded pretty OK. Anyway, I'm sure none of you are interested in this crap, so on with the story!

Chapter Two:

_I could feel someone glaring at me, and I knew who it would be. I'd been planning to take off and catch some Z's, but the chance to ruin Rosalie's morning seemed too good to pass up._

I heard Jacob's shallow thoughts and watched him sprawl in the armchair so that his head was near Bella, and his foot was near Rosalie's face.

"Ew. Someone put the dog out," Rosalie wrinkled her nose. _I don't know why he's still here anyway. He lost. Give it up._

"Have you heard this one, Psycho? How do a blonde's brain cells die?"

Rosalie didn't answer. _'How do a blonde's brain cells die? How? How?' I'll show him how a werewolf dies if he doesn't watch it._

Jacob was grinning in anticipation. "Well? Do you know the punch line or not?"

She ignored him by watching the TV with intense concentration.

How could they be so focused on this? Didn't they notice that Bella, right next to them, was at death's door? Didn't they realize? Didn't they care? Of course not. Of course Rosalie didn't, and Jacob didn't have to dwell on it every moment of his existence, an undercurrent of every thought. And it wasn't Jacob's fault… it was mine…

Jacob looked at me, snapping me out of it for a minute. "Has she heard it?"

My face was tight and humorless. _He obviously didn't find the joke amusing. _"No." I didn't take my eyes from Bella.

"Awesome." Said Jacob, with childlike excitement at the chance to irk somebody he disliked. "So you'll enjoy this, bloodsucker – a blonde's brain cells die _alone. _

Rosalie was ticked. "I have killed a hundred times more often than you have, you disgusting beast. Don't forget that."

"Someday, Beauty Queen, you're going to get tired of just threatening me. I'm really looking forward to that." Jacob taunted.

"Enough, Jacob," Bella said. She scowled at Jacob. Bella had grown ornery yesterday after Jacob left. She wouldn't explain why, but I assumed that it had something to do with his absence.

_Well, I didn't want to bug her. _"You want me to take off?" Jacob asked, hoping and fearing at the same time that she had gotten tired of him.

Bella blinked and an expression of shock washed over her ravaged face. "No, of course not!"

Jacob sighed, as did I. Was it selfish to wish that she'd just get over him? Yes, it was, but I couldn't help it. It would be so much healthier for all three of us if she could just get over him! Bu there was no way I could ever even suggest that – it might make her unhappy. I knew Jacob could see my wishes, too.

"You look tired," Bella noted.

"Dead beat," Jake admitted. He really was – his thoughts were only half-coherent.

"_I'd _like to beat you dead," Rosalie muttered, too low for my human wife to hear – she didn't want to do anything to upset Bella.

Jacob ignored her, except for to dangle his foot a little bit closer to her face. Rosalie stiffened – she was revolted. _Again, why is he here? _Her thoughts were directed to me.

I shrugged fractionally and returned to watching Bella intently.

The room was deathly quite for several moments, and there was nothing interesting to distract me from my self-loathing. Jacob was contemplating jetting back to the forest for a nap, and Rosalie was reviewing the few facts we knew about the… fetus.

Bella quietly asked Rosalie for a refill, almost ashamed. My sister smiled encouragingly, and breezed upstairs silently to the blood bank. She returned and folded herself seamlessly to sit at Bella's feet. It was still once again, with only the sound of my Bella's shallow breathing.

Out of nowhere, I felt, or more like heard (it didn't affect me, but I knew it was there), an overwhelming amount of adoration, admiration, and more than anything, _love. _It was almost wordless, but there were a few simple words interspersed with the feelings. _Love…safe…beautiful…warm…_

Who could it be? I knew everyone's flavor… could it be… Bella? It fit – her every thought was centered on her unborn child. Was I finally hearing her thoughts after all this time?

"Did you say something?" I asked Bella, puzzled.

Jacob was just as bewildered as I was. _Strange. Because no one _had _said anything, and because Edward's hearing was as good as mine, and he should have known that._

I stared at Bella, and she stared back, confusion etched in her features. "Me?" she asked, slightly delayed. "I didn't say anything."

More overwhelming love. What could it… no, it couldn't be… I leaned into her, staring intently. I was extra focused, trying to detect if it could possibly be… "What are you thinking about right now?" it _could _be Bella, but I didn't think so…

"Just… Esme's island. And feathers." Her skin blushed a lovely ruby, and I guessed that she was lingering on details from our stay on the island. Jacob surmised it was something like that; his thoughts took on a mixed tone of embarrassment and jealousy.

I couldn't believe the feelings and incomplete thoughts radiating through the air with increasing strength belonged to Bella. I was almost sure… "Say something else," I whispered excitedly.

"Like what? Edward, what's going on?"

_Momma…I love you… Bella.  
_The baby. I could hear the baby! I felt the shock and pleasure manifest themselves on my face. Without pausing to think about what I was doing, I reached forward to very lightly place my hands on Bella's stomach. I felt Rosalie and Jacob's total shock, but I didn't care – I was too absorbed in the baby's thoughts.

"The f –" I swallowed. It was so much easier to think of it as a sentient, decent-minded being now that I was able to _hear_ it. It wasn't just a fetus, it was a _child._ "It… the baby likes the sound of your voice."

There was a beat of total silence. No one was able to even blink or twitch their mouth – they were all comprehending what I meant. Then –

"_Holy crow, you can hear him!" _Bella shouted – the epitome of excitement.

I felt the baby's surprise; it jumped a little and kicked out. Bella winced.

I smiled gently and rubbed her belly where the child had kicked her.

"Shhh," I murmured soothingly. "You startled it… him." I wasn't sure what its gender was yet, but Bella was convinced he was a boy, and "it" just sounded so… derogatory.

Her eyes grew wide, full of wonder and adoration. "Sorry, baby," she crooned, patting her stomach.

I heard more coming from the baby. I cocked my head toward the bulge, listening intently.

"What's he thinking now?" Bella demanded eagerly. She looked like a student on their first day of college – trying to absorb as much knowledge as she could as quickly as possible.

"It… he or she, is…" And I couldn't fight it. I didn't want to love this thing inside my Bella, but I suddenly couldn't help it. Its thoughts were so pure and loving, so free of any edge, that I couldn't help but love it. Love… him. I looked up into Bella's face, and I knew my awe-filled eyes mirrored hers. "He's _happy._" I said in an incredulous voice.

Bella's breath caught in a sudden rush of emotion, as did mine. She had a gleam in her eyes that I had only seen weak echoes of before – a gleam of fanatical, adoring, devotion. Tears drained the salt from her body, brimming over her eyes and staining her blissful face. She looked so happy, even in sickness, that I wanted to cry with her. She was _mine. _By some miracle, she belonged to me. And just as miraculously, so did the creature inside her. I felt all my worry and anger and fear melt away for a moment, just marveling with her.

"Of course you are, pretty baby, of course you are," Bella crooned, caressing her stomach. She sounded as happy as the baby. "How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved? I love you so much. Little EJ, of course you're happy."

EJ? "What did you just call him?" I asked inquisitively.

She changed color again. "I sort of named him. I didn't think you would want… well, you know."

No, I didn't know, but I had more important things to discuss right now. "EJ?"

"Your father's name was Edward, too."

Edward Jr.? Or could it be something different – could the baby also have the name of another person sitting right in this room? "Yes, it was. What –?" I had intended to ask the baby's middle name, but I broke off as I heard more disjointed thoughts, growing more prominent.

_Beautiful… speak… Edward. Love… daddy._

I was elated, but didn't let it show. "Hmm."

"What?" once again, Bella was overly eager for knowledge about this new life.

"He likes my voice, too." Surprise colored the tenor of my voice.

"Of course he does." Bella replied smugly. "You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn't love it?"

After all this time, compliments from Bella still never failed to bring out the human in me, to allow something from a past life to fight its way past the monster that domineered my being. Then Rosalie spoke, ruining my moment.

"Do you have a backup plan?" She asked, leaning over the sofa with an expression that mirrored Bella's.

Bella wiped her finger though the purple circle under her eye, trapping a runaway tear. "I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renee and Esme. I was thinking… Ruh-_nez-_may."

Love and approval from the fetus. More so than when Bella had called it EJ, but that didn't prove anything.

"Ruhnezmay?" My sister echoed, sounding half surprised and half pleased.

_Love… Bella…beauty… momma…pretty… love…_

"R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e." Too weird?"

It approved of Bella's every action. It _loved _her.

"No, I like it," Rosalie assured her. "It's beautiful. And one of a kind, so _that_ fits."

_Rosalie… pretty… Bella… momma… love…_

"I still think he's an Edward," Bella said stubbornly.

At this point I could no longer ignore the fetus's thoughts. The sudden surge of love and admiration was overpowering.

"What?" asked my glowing Bella. "What's he thinking now?"

"He loves you," I whispered – I was amazed that something so small and young could feel that much. "He absolutely _adores _you." Her face lit up, and she closed her eyes blissfully.

And then all the happiness I had been feeling was cut off as Jacob's thoughts invaded my head.

_I was alone. All alone._

_I wanted to kick myself when I realized how much I'd been counting on that loathsome vampire. How stupid – as if you could ever trust a leech! Of course he would betray me in the end._

_I'd counted on him to be on my side. I'd counted on him to suffer more than I suffered. And, most of all, I'd counted on him to hate the revolting thing killing Bella more than I hated it._

_I'd trusted him with that._

_Yet now they were together, the two of them bent over the budding invisible monster with their eyes lit up like a happy family._

_And I was all alone with my hatred and the pain that was so bad it was like being tortured._

Spasms of pain rocked my body – it was like being slowly dragged across a bed of razor blades. Jacob was on his feet, trembling, and ready to bolt for the first escape he could.

I don't know why, but I couldn't stand to put him in any more pain. We had somehow bonded, and I hadn't realized it until now. For whatever the reason, though, I darted to the corner, ripped an object out of the drawer of the sideboard, and lobbed it at Jacob. He caught it reflexively.

"Go, Jacob. Get away from here." Take this escape, and take it fast. Please.

_He didn't say it harshly – he threw the words at me like they were a life preserver. He was helping me find the escape I was dying for._

_The object in my hands was a set of car keys._

Author's End Notes:

Goodness, these are hard to write! So I'm not entirely happy with the way I described Edward hearing the baby's thoughts, but it's the only way I could actually do it (I failed miserably at trying to explain it any better).

So even though these are hard to write, I really enjoy it. I've decided to take requests through PMs or reviews on what to write as far as this story goes. I am not entirely ready to give it up yet, although it was supposed to be a one-shot. Anyway, I am willing to translate anything in BD book two into Edward's POV with the exceptions of:

1) The conversation Edward asks Jacob to have with Bella about having a child with Jacob… awkward… plus I really have no idea what Edward might be feeling during that.

2) The birth of Renesmee. I'm sorry, I'm a wimp. Every time I read BD, I just skip that part – blood and gross things… ugh…

Other than that, what do you guys want to hear from Edward? Review and let me know!

You guys major owe me reviews! Make me glad I wrote this extra chapter! REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Notes:

Sorry about the wait, I am working on three stories right now! Check them out and please review! (I know, I'm shameless :D)

I've had LOTS of suggestions on what to write for this story, so you can plan on this being a fairly long fanfic eventually. I will be writing randomly requested moments from BD Book Two in Edward's POV. If you have requests/suggestions, PM or review.

I am very excited about this story, but also a little nervous! It is really fun and satisfying, plus I get the best reviews EVER (you guys are amazing!) but it is also hard, and updates will be kinda slow.

This chapter will be the idea and the first time that Bella drinks human blood. Kinda gross, but pivotal to Book Two

Please remember that these chapters are just random moments in Book Two. This chapter is set before chapter two, so Edward will have reverted to using the terms "thing" and "it" instead of "baby" and "fetus", Bella will be very weak, they can't hear the baby's thoughts, ect.

Anyway, ON WITH THE STORY!

Chapter Three

I had the mildly uncomfortable sensation that I was being ripped in half. On the one hand, I was barely restraining myself from drugging Bella, calling Carlisle, and removing the… thing… from her this instant.

But on the other… I couldn't hurt what Bella loved. It was the reason that I couldn't bring myself to hurt Jacob, originally. It was why I never seriously argued with Bella, even when she was almost intolerably annoying. And it was the only thing stopping me from killing the thing inside her without a moment's hesitation. I myself had no love for the creature – I hated it almost as much as I despised myself. But Bella _adored _the thing, so killing it was obviously not an option.

_Maybe the planet had started turning backward. Maybe that would explain how everything was the opposite of what it had been yesterday – how I could be hoping for what had once seemed like the very worst thing in the world._

It was so illogical, yet so possible. Jacob and I were thinking in bizarre unison – the drive to kill the fetus, then knowing you couldn't because that wasn't your decision to make. And then the powerful bloodlust that stemmed from your desire to destroy it all over again.

Jacob was sitting on the front steps talking to Carlisle about Bella's condition, which was rapidly deteriorating. I would be out with them, but I couldn't bear to leave Bella's side. Not when her clock was ticking this fast – I had to spend every second of her remaining time with her.

"What is that thing doing to her?" I heard Jacob whisper. "She was so much worse last night. I saw… the tubes and all that. Through the window."

Carlisle sighed heavily. He was disappointed in himself for not knowing much what to tell Jacob, because he didn't know enough to tell much. "The fetus isn't compatible with her body. Too strong, for one thing, but she could probably endure that for a while. The bigger problem is that it won't allow her to get the sustenance she needs. Her body is rejecting all forms of nutrition. I'm trying to feed her intravenously, but she's just not absorbing it. I'm watching her – and not just her, but the fetus as well – starve to death by the hour. I can't stop it and I can't slow it down. I can't figure out what it _wants._" Carlisle's voice was weary, and it broke at the end.

Jacob could feel himself losing control, and he clenched his fists to prevent them shaking. _It wasn't enough for the monster to beat her from the inside out. No, it was starving her, too. Probably just looking for something to sink its teeth into – a throat to suck dry. Since it wasn't big enough to kill anyone else yet, it settled for sucking Bella's life from her._

_I could tell them exactly what it wanted: death and blood, blood and death._

It all hit me then.

_Death and blood, blood and death._ We didn't know what the genetic make-up of this new life was.

_Death and blood, blood and death_. How much was it like Bella? How much was it like me?

_Death and blood, blood and death_. If it had stronger vampire tendencies than human ones, I could guess what it wanted…

_Death and blood, blood and death_. Could it possibly be… _thirsty?_

I heard Carlisle and Jacob conversing outside, but I was too wrapped up in my epiphany to notice. I speculated over this new theory, inserting everything we knew about the species to see if it fit.

The word "chromosome" started filtering through the conversation on the porch, and it fed my contemplations. If I had twenty-five chromosomes… and Bella had twenty-three… wouldn't it put the fetus somewhere in the middle? An even divide of our genetics? And if the thing was rejecting human food… wouldn't it follow that it was after vampire nourishment? The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that I was right.

I heard Carlisle break off to listen as I began to speak to Bella. "I'll be right back, Bella. I want to speak with Carlisle for a moment. Actually Rosalie, would you mind accompanying me?"

_Edward sounded different. There was a little life in his dead voice. A spark of something. Not hope, exactly, but maybe the _desire_ to hope. _

It was true. If we could get nutrition to the thing inside Bella, then maybe it would stop taking the life from _her_, and she'd be able to eat again. I didn't know that I was capable of hope with that thing existing, because that I knew Bella would rather die than kill it. But if this worked… then maybe, just maybe, I could believe that there was a chance that they might both pull through this.

"What is it, Edward?" Bella asked in her hoarse, cracked voice.

"Nothing you need to worry about, love. It will just take a second. Please, Rose?"

I heard Rosalie's acceptance before she spoke it, and the reasons behind it. She, too, was curious about my changed voice. Hmmm.

"Esme?" Rosalie called. "Can you mind Bella for me?"

Esme immediately dropped her mop and breezed downstairs. "Of course."

_Edward? Edward, what's going on? _Carlisle thought in my direction, swiveling around to poke his head through the door.

I straightened up and focused on the task at hand and I could see form their thoughts that it showed in my face. I marched through the door with Rosalie at my heels. She looked suspicious of my newly changed attitude.

I shut the door behind Rosalie. "Carlisle," I murmured.

"What is it, Edward?" he asked, burning with curiosity.

"Perhaps we've been going about this the wrong way. I was listening to you and Jacob just now, and when you were speaking of what the… fetus wants, Jacob had an interesting thought.

Me? _What had _I _thought? Besides my obvious hatred for the thing?_

"We haven't actually addressed _that _angle," I went on, the closest I had been to excited in weeks. "We've been trying to get Bella what she needs. And her body is accepting it about as well as one of ours would. Perhaps we should address the needs of the… fetus first. Maybe if we can satisfy it, we'll be able to help her more effectively."

I waited for them to realize the brilliant simplicity of it, but they all just stared at me, dumbfounded.

"I'm not following you, Edward," Carlisle said slowly.

"Think about it, Carlisle. If that creature is more vampire than human, can't you guess what it craves – what it's not getting? Jacob did."

Jacob and Carlisle both ran through everything that had been said between them, trying to recall any words that might have hinted at a solution to this problem. They hit it at the exact same time.

"Oh," Carlisle breathed in a surprised tone. "you think it is… thirsty?"

Rosalie hissed under her breath, and the suspicion on her face was replaced by understanding and excitement. "Of course," she muttered. "Carlisle, we have all that type O negative laid aside for Bella. It's a good idea." She was so surprised, but accepted it all without a doubt.

"Hmmm." Carlisle stroked his chin thoughtfully. "I wonder… And then, what would be the best way to administer…"

Rosalie shook her head; her thoughts were impatient. "We don't have time to be creative. I'd say we should start with the traditional way."

Jacob's revulsion bounded through my head. "Wait a minute," he whispered. "Just hold on. Are you – are you talking about making Bella drink _blood_?"

Rosalie scowled at him, but somehow managed to keep her eyes averted. "It was your idea, dog."

Jacob ignored her and watched Carlisle, who was looking slightly more hopeful. He pursed his lips, and I could hear all the medical figures running through his head.

"That's just…" Jacob trailed off, searching for the right word.

"Monstrous?" I suggested. "Repulsive?" and it was. It truly turned my empty stomach. But if it helped Bella… even just the slightest, fractional bit…

"Pretty much." Jacob replied.

"But what if it helps her?" I whispered. If only it could…

Jacob shook his head angrily at me. "What are you gonna do, shove a tube down her throat?"

I rolled my eyes for the first time in a while. It felt good. "I plan to ask her what she thinks. I just wanted to run it past Carlisle first."

Rosalie nodded emphatically. "If you tell her it might help the baby, she'll be willing to do anything. Even if we do have to feed them through a tube."

_I realized then – when I heard how her voice got all lovey-dovey when as she said the word _baby _– that Blondie would be in line with anything that helped the little life-sucking monster. Was that what was going on, the mystery factor bonding the two of them? Was Rosalie after the kid?_

I nodded slightly, not enough for anyone but Jacob to notice. Bella's life meant little to nothing to Rosalie. If Bella survived, fine. If she died, even better. Rosalie would be the obvious choice for the baby's adopted mother. As if I would let it live.

_Huh. I wouldn't have thought that ice-cold Barbie would have a maternal side. So much for Bella – Rosalie'd probably jam the tube down Bella's throat herself. _

Two for two. I mashed my lips together in a hard line in an effort not to yell at Rosalie.

"Well, we don't have time to sit around discussing this," Rosalie said impatiently, which made not losing my cool with her that much harder. "What do you think, Carlisle? Can we try?"

Carlisle took a deep breath and stood fluidly. "We'll ask Bella."

Rosalie gave a smug smile, because, if it was up to Bella, she'd get her way.

_I wasn't sure why I followed them, _Jacob thought. _Just morbid curiosity, maybe. It was like a horror movie. Monsters and blood all over the place. _

_Maybe I just couldn't resist another hit of my dwindling drug supply._

I wasn't sure why Jacob was here either, but if he wanted to, that was his prerogative. I watched him take in Bella's accelerated condition, as I did myself – it truly wasn't something you ever grew accustomed to.

"What's going on?" Bella demanded in a sickly, crackly voice. Her hands twitched to guard her inflated stomach.

"Jacob had an idea that might help you." Carlisle started. "It won't be… pleasant, but –"

"But it will help the baby," Rosalie interjected eagerly. Sick. "We've thought of a better way to feed him. Maybe."

Bella coughed out a weak chuckle. "Not pleasant? Gosh, that'll be such a change." She eyed the tube stuck in her arm and gave that weak, scratchy laugh again, and Rosalie joined in.

Didn't she see what her blow-it-off attitude was doing? When she faced it again and realized how far gone she really was, she was going to regret putting it off. She was doing it to make it better for everyone else, but didn't she see it was just hurting us? And the worst part was that she was doing it all for me. She had told me she was doing fine when she first moved here, so I wouldn't have to listen to her troubles, but I heard her cry in her sleep. She had told me that she survived when I… left… so I wouldn't feel guilty, but I saw the pictures in Jacob's head. And now, here she was, making jokes from her death bed so that the rest of us can be happy. Why couldn't she just let people take the blame they deserved?

I shook it off – I had a job to do. I took Bella's hand and began tracing the shapes of her fingernails with my eyes still on her face. "Bella, love, we're going to ask you to do something monstrous. Repulsive."

She took a shallow, fluttering breath. "How bad?"

I didn't know how to give this to her. I let Carlisle answer. "We think the fetus might have an appetite closer to ours than yours. We think it's thirsty.

She blinked spastically. "Oh. _Oh_."

"Your condition – both of your conditions – are deteriorating rapidly. We don't have time to waste, to come up with more palatable ways to do this. The fastest way to test the theory –"

"I've got to drink it," Whispered my brave Bella, nodding slightly. "I can do that. Practice for the future, right?" She smiled tightly at me, but I couldn't make my muscles work well enough to smile back.

"So who's going to catch me a grizzly bear?" Bella whispered.

I glanced at Carlisle, and Rosalie stopped tapping her toe.

"What?"

Carlisle coughed slightly. "It will be a more effective test if we don't cut corners, Bella," Carlisle said, hoping she would catch on. Her expression said she didn't.

"_If_ the fetus is craving blood," I explained delicately. "It's not craving animal blood."

"It won't make any difference to you, Bella," Rosalie encouraged. "Don't think about it."

Her eyes widened. "Who?" she breathed, her gaze flickering to Jacob.

"I'm not her as a donor, Bells," he grumbled. "'sides, it's human blood that thing's after, and I don't think mine applies –"

Rosalie took over. "We have blood on hand, Bella," She said. "For you – just in case. Don't worry about anything at all. It's going to be fine. I have a good feeling about this, Bella. I think the baby will be so much better."

Bella ran her hand across her stomach. "Well," she rasped. "_I'm_ starving, so I bet he is too." I pressed my lips together as she tried to make another joke. "Let's go for it. My first vampire act."

I held Bella's hang while Carlisle and Rosalie darted around the house, and debated whether or not to warm the blood up for her.

I stared into Bella's eyes, searching them for hints of fear or revulsion. But all I could see in them was hope and love, both for the thing inside her.

Jacob was seriously hurting by this point, but I focused all my attention on Bella – I couldn't be bothered by things like Jacob's unrequited love when Bella lay dying right next to me.

I heard Rosalie rummage through the kitchen cupboard, and rolled my eyes as she pulled out a tall glass. "Not _clear_, Rosalie," I murmured.

_Why not? _She thought back. _Bella will do anything to help the baby – I doubt it matters to her._

I whispered only low enough for Rosalie to hear "I don't want to make this any harder for her than it already is."

Bella looked at me curiously, but I just shook my head and continued to stare at her.

"This was your idea?" Bella asked Jacob in a surprised, wheezing whisper.

"Don't blame me for this one. Your vampire was just picking snide comments out of my head."

"I didn't expect to see you again so soon," She said with a smile.

"Yeah, me either," he said, remembering yesterday, when he had told her "I'm not going to sit around and watch you die, Bella."

"Edward told me what you had to do. I'm sorry." So was I, but I could that Jacob didn't even know _what _to feel right now. But he blew it off.

"S'okay. It was probably only a matter of time till I snapped over something Sam wanted me to do."

"And Seth," Bella whispered.

"He's actually happy to help." _Cheerful little punk._

"I hate causing you trouble," she sighed.

Jacob laughed bitterly. _So why, Bella? Why do we go through this over and over?_

Bella gave a pained sigh. "I guess that's nothing new, is it?"

"Not, not really."

So self-absorbed. Jacob saw Bella wasting away in front of him, so why didn't he at least _try_ to make it easier on her?

"You don't have to stay and watch this," Bella breathed. Any ordinary human wouldn't be able to hear her.

"I don't really have anywhere else to go," Jacob said, trying to stay conversational. "The wolf thing is a lot less appealing since Leah joined up."

"Leah?" My wife gasped.

Jacob turned to me. "You didn't tell her?"

Would anyone but Jacob have told her? It didn't seem very appropriate or important with everything that was happening. I shrugged at Jacob.

"Why?" Bella breathed. She looked like she was taking it as bad news.

_I didn't want to go into the whole novel-length version. _"To keep an eye on Seth."

"But Leah hates us,"

_Us. Nice. I could see she was afraid, though. _

"Leah's not going to bug anyone." Jacob promised. "She's in my pack, so she follows my lead." He grimaced. Jacob didn't like being a leader or ordering people around. This whole unwanted-Alpha deal was a thorn in his side.

Bella didn't look convinced. I knew she was terrified of Leah, and honestly, it was totally justified. You know what they say – "the most formidable enemy is an enemy with nothing to lose." Leah had lost everything. And all the empty space left over form the things that had been ripped from her had been filled with resentment and a vicious attitude. She didn't have anything, but that didn't mean she wouldn't fight to get it back.

"You're scared of _Leah, _but you're best friends with the psychopath blonde?" Jacob asked sarcastically.

Bella frowned. "Don't. Rose… understands."

"Yeah," Jacob grunted. His thoughts were totally in line with mine. "She understands you're gonna die and she doesn't care, s'long as she gets her mutant spawn out of the deal."

"Stop being a jerk, Jacob."

_She looked too fragile to get mad at. _"You say that like it's possible." Jacob responded with a weak grin.

Bella's chalky, chapped lips stretched into a half-smile.

Carlisle and Rosalie flitted into the room. Carlisle had a white, lidded, plastic cup with a straw.

_Oh, "not clear" – now I got it. _Jacob thought. _Edward didn't want Bella to have to think about what she was doing any more than necessary. You couldn't see what was in the cup at all. But you could smell it._

"We could try another method," Carlisle said hesitantly when Bella eyed the cup, looking scared.

"No," Bella whispered. "No, I'll try this first. We don't have time…"

_At first I thought she'd gotten a clue and was worried about herself, but then her hand fluttered feebly against her stomach._

Bella's shaky hand reached forward to take the cup from Carlisle. After she had the sloshy cup in her hand, she tried to prop herself up on one elbow, but she could barely lift her head.

I wanted to die. Even in this _did_ work – and I had no idea if it would – I could never forgive myself for reducing Bella to this. Too fragile to speak above the faintest of whispers, too frail to protest anything that was said, to weak to even support the weight of her head.

I thought I had hated myself when I realized what she became when I left her last September? That was _nothing _compared to what I felt now. At least then, it had been in her best interest. I thought I had been helping her. Here, the only cause was my own selfishness and ignorance? There was no way I could have know, so why did I agree to let her have her way and try?

I wanted death more now than ever before.

Rosalie held Bella's head and neck up like you did with a newborn.

"Thanks," Bella whispered faintly. Her eyes flickered around the room. _Still aware enough to feel self-conscious. If she wasn't so drained, I bet she'd've blushed._

"Don't mind them," Rosalie muttered to Bella.

_It made me feel awkward. I should've left when Bella'd offered the chance. I didn't belong here, being a part of this. I thought about ducking out, but then I realized a move like that would only make this worse for Bella – make it harder for her to go through with it. She'd figure I was too disgusted to stay. Which was almost true._

_Still. While I wasn't going to claim responsibility for this idea, I didn't want to jinx it either._

Bella lifted the cup to her face and sniffed at the end of the straw. She flinched, and then made a face.

I can't believe we were asking her to do this. It was so… wrong. Bella was a _human, _albeit a very sick human. She should have never have been in any situation that offered her the option of drinking human blood. And she wouldn't be if it wasn't for me.

I couldn't let her do this just because we had asked her to. "Bella, sweetheart, we can find an easier way." I said gently, holding my hand out for the cup.

"Plug your nose," Rosalie suggested, glaring at me. She contemplated snapping at my hand to get me to back off, and I gave her a warning glance.

"No, it's not that. It's just that –" Bella sucked in a deep breath. "It smells good," she admitted in a tiny voice.

Sick. I couldn't stand to watch this, yet of course I couldn't leave.

"That's a good thing," Rosalie encouraged eagerly. "It means we're on the right track."

The corners of Bella's eyes tightened, like she was steeling herself. Then she shoved the straw between her lips, squeezed her eyes shut, and wrinkled her nose. Her hand shook, and the blood slapped around in the cup. Then Bella took a quick sip, and moaned a little bit with her eyes still closed.

I stepped forward and clutched her face. I couldn't see her like this. I just couldn't watch it. Seeing Bella in any type of pain was absolutely more than I could handle. "Bell, love –" I began, but she cut me off.

"I'm okay" she promised. She opened her eyes and stared at me, but her eyes were… apologetic? She looked like she thought I might be angry with her, and her eyes pleaded with me to understand. "It _tastes _good, too."

It was still revolting that Bella had to do this, but at least she wasn't suffering. That made this easier.

"That's good," repeated Rosalie. _This is gonna work, I can feel it. The baby is already accepting the nourishment. _"A good sign."

I curled each finger around her cheek individually, taking care to monitor the exact amount of pressure I applied.

Bella sighed and put the straw to her lips again. She took a long pull this time, like the creature's instincts had started controlling her body.

"How's your stomach? Do you feel nauseated?" Carlisle asked, concerned. _Such a change in her diet is bound to have a reaction with the natural acids in her stomach…_

Bella shook her head with just the slightest bit of vigor. "No, I don't feel sick," she whispered. "That's a first, eh?"

Rosalie beamed. "Excellent." _I knew this would work._

"I think it's a bit early for that, Rose," Carlisle cautioned. _It could just be that we're replenishing the stores in her face and stomach that the fetus has depleted – that would explain why she looks and feels just a little bit better. Hard to tell…_

Bella gulped another mouthful of blood with a conflicted expression. "Does this screw my total?" she asked in a whisper. "Or do we start counting _after_ I'm a vampire."

"After I'm a vampire", she had said. As if she would make it. That thing – and by extension, _me_ – was killing Bella. There was no way she'd even last the duration of her pregnancy. And if by some miracle she did, the birthing would inevitably kill her. From the little research we had been able to conduct, no mother had survived the violent birth of the monsters. Because they didn't come out the traditional way. The things clawed and bit their way through the women's stomachs. And no one could survive that, not even my Bella.

And when she didn't survive, when she ceased to exist, so would I. The Volturi, the werewolves, Jacob… I didn't think I would have a hard time getting people to agree to kill me.

But Bella was waiting for an answer, so I faked a smile and said "No one is counting, Bella." Emmett and Jasper had originally made a bet, butgambling had been forgotten a long time ago. "In any case, no one died for this. Your record is still clean."

_They'd lost me._

"I'll explain later" I mumbled, low enough so only Jacob would hear. It might make Bella uncomfortable to be right there while I explained to Jacob that my brothers were eagerly awaiting her changing because they had made a wager on how many humans Bella would kill in her first year.

"What?" Bella whispered.

"Just talking to myself," I lied smoothly.

_If he succeeded with this, if Bella lived, Edward wasn't going to be able to get away with so much when her senses were as sharp as his. He'd have to work on the honesty thing._

I fought a smile, but my lips twitched and gave me away. _If Bella lives, _I promised. _I'll never tell a lie again._

Bella avoided Jacob's gaze as she chugged a few more ounces,

_Probably pretending we weren't here, _Jacob thought. _Or just me. No one else in this group would be disgusted by what she was doing. Just the opposite – they were probably having a hard time no ripping the cup away from her. _

I rolled my eyes. We had had decades of practice. Besides, refrigerated blood was pretty unappetizing – all cold and stale.

_Jeez, how did anyone stand living with him? It was really too bad he couldn't hear Bella's thoughts. Then he'd annoy the crap out of her, too, and she'd get tired of him._

I chuckled once. It had been a while since I had heard one of those comments that only Jacob could give – the ones that were positive and degrading at the same time. I had missed it.

Bella smiled at the humor in my face. It made her happy to see me like this. It had been too long since she'd seen me with a spark of life on my face. "Something funny?" she asked softly.

"Jacob," I answered.

She looked over with another weary smile for Jacob. "Jake's a crack-up," she agreed.

_Great, now I was the court jester. _"Bada-_bing_" Jake mumbled, in a rim-shot impression that fell flat.

Bella smiled again, and then took a long drag from the cup. Jacob flinched when a loud sucking sound came from the straw that was pulling empty air. "I did it," she said, sounding pleased. Her voice was clearer – it was still rough, but it was louder, and not quite as forced. "If I keep this down, Carlisle, will you take the needles out of me?"

"As soon as possible," Carlisle promised. "Honestly, they aren't doing that much good where they are." _She doesn't have enough general fluids to remove the ones that are harming her, and anything we try to administer through IV's is rejected._

Rosalie patted Bella's forehead like she was proud of her, and they shared a hopeful glance.

As everything grew quite, I took the time to fully take in the difference the cup of blood had made in Bella. The pink tint was beginning to touch her sunken, waxy cheeks again; she seemed to be supporting her own weight a little bit more; her breathing was deeper and less labored; and her heartbeat – the most significant sound in my world – was stronger and more even.

_The ghost of hope in Edward's eyes had turned into the real thing._

It was true. The situation was still repulsive, but I couldn't help but be grateful we had thought of it – it had helped my Bella. If the rate of recovery held steady, then maybe there was hope that she would pull through after all. I never would have thought she would have been able to keep her heart beating, but the blood had made a difference already – if she kept drinking it, maybe we could supercharge her heart long enough to survive the birth and the burning.

Hope.

Yes, there was hope.

Author's End Notes:

Did you like it? I could have gone on longer, but I felt that I could tie it up effectively here, plus it was really long, plus I just wanted to update!

This chapter goes out to icrodriguez who has given me GREAT reviews and PMs! Also setfiregirl, persephonesfolly, and michellemybelle202, who have also reviewed and PM'd faithfully.

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	4. SORTASEMIUPDATE

Hi guys! This replaces my previous NOT-AN-UPDATE w/ a SORTA-UPDATE!! No new chapters (except in Perception) just the announcement that my hiatus is over and I am planning on getting back into fanfiction again! (cheers and applause) I am planning to work on one story at a time until they are all finished, and then start Hunger Games fanfiction (SOO highly recommend it – it's better than Twilight!!). They will all be finished eventually, but I need YOU GUYS to determine what order. Please vote in the poll I've posted on my profile, and keep watching! HUGS!

-Alli


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